life&& everything that comes with it

• he still goes the longer way,
• he still has lots of work,
• he still looks up,
• he still makes remarks about only my body,
• he still only uses lovey dovey names,
• he still likes the same things,
• he still is self center,
• he still hasnt learned anything knew,
• he still makes me cry,
• he still avoids me,
• he still lies,
• he still doesnt love me…

the only thing that isnt the same is the guy. things never change with guys -_-

there once was this guy and I thought what I did with him was kind and sweet but, now theres no more of him. now theres this new guy and I realized that his doing what I was doing with the old guy. and now I know it wasnt sweet and that it sucks. I’m not going to blame this new guy or my self it’s a simple mistake where we think were helping a friend. that we are giving the love we thought they wanted but, the thing is, its what we think they want. so, it isnt just unaccurate but also a lie. we weren’t really loving them just doing something that we hope will make them happy because we either feel bad and pitty them or maybe just maybe we do care for them somewhere down the road. none the less nobody desires this, no one will ever really want this, in truth its just makin matters worse.

I HATE TALKING TO YOU, I HATE OUR CONVERSATIONS, I HATE THIS, I HATE THIS, I HATE HOW ITS THE SAME THING EVERY SINGLE DAY! THE CONVERSATION ISNT EVEN GOOD ITS WHAT TO STRANGERS WOULD TALK ABOUT…. maybe thats all we are…strangers

morning sunshine

ive been up but mornin to you, any plans for today?

not that i know of have a great day :D

*couple hours later*

how was your day?

busy paper work and flies

oh sorry to hear that i had a good day

then all the kids…

dont let it bother you

*couple hours later*

hey what you up to?

chillen hard you?

how fun and just here

i miss you

i miss you too

*20 mins later, no response*

goodnight

I have come to expect that you dont love me. but the truth is I have fallen in love with you. and of course it hurts, that the person that means the most to you in this whole world gives a rat’s ass about you, but the thing is I’m ok with you not lovin me back. I’m just happy that I can see your smile, that I can be next to you. I know I’m just saying this to make my self happy, but I’m so glad that you’ll give me the little affection you do because you know I care for you. you could of just left me there in the dark, thinking to my self what it would be like to be with you but no, you gave me those memories that I can reflect on and smile about. this to you might be something small and you might not understand why it means so much but it really makes a difference so I would like to thank you. you have no idea how much I appericate what you do for silly old me.

I’m not sure how to put this but everything is upside down. you know that feelings where everything is the way it should be? yeah, me neither I feel like the good guy should win at the end of the story, but then again who really gets to decided the good guy? you? me? the author? or the character its self? have you ever so badly wanted someone to be the good guy and you focus so hard on them when in reality they’re only the side-kick? I have and I’m some what ashamed for I have not gave the hero his rightful dues. I’ve been so caught up on this one character who in the begining made some lousy mistakes but in general was a sweetheart. and now the hero of my story has left with feel of betrayal and has made some harsh decision him self turning him into the very vilian we wanted to keep away. now you see when i said everything has gone upside down? is this all m fault? I want my hero back, but only back to the good side, not back as the hero. but that is too selfish of me. I want this sidekick to prove that his hero material. but I’m sure I’m only setting my self up for dissapointment. I wish I was able to write this book with open eyes and not as blindly as I have. the sad thing is I’ve read this book many times before.